Monday, January 11, 2016

Life Without Video Games

With the holidays over, we have re-instituted the "no videos or video games on school nights" rule. The boys have been playing with the cat for the last half an hour...

...By which I mean running madly around the house playing "hide the cat" with each other, like some demented game of Capture The Flag...

...And scattered cat treats everywhere....

...And started throwing pillows at each other...

...And trying to figure out where the cat has hidden...

...And shutting off the lights to try and scare each other...

...And there goes the cat again, with Secondborn in hot pursuit, yelling, "Astrophe! You shall be mine! You shall be mine! Astrophe, you shall be mine!"

..."Daddy, I need a little help fixing the light."
..."What do you mean, 'fixing'?"

..."Not quite done hiding the cat!"

..."Why are the blankets all over the floor?"
..."I was hiding the cat."
...
..."Wait, what?"

...Gods above, what have we unleashed? WHAT HAVE WE UNLEASHED? It is only by an enormous act of will that I haven't started doing shots. ALL. THE. SHOTS. And still the madness continues...

...Now they're standing in front of the cat and yelling "You shall not pass!" while blocking the doorway...

...Is there such a thing as lampshade parkour? Because I think I'm seeing lampshade parkour...

...What were we thinking? A full evening of the boys entertaining themselves??? We were fools -- Fools! -- to think that such things might be endured...

...I no longer hear shouting...

...The house is quiet...

...One boy has retreated to his bed to read. The other still runs loose, but he appears to be slowing...

...No, no. They were only gathering their pillows for the grand battle...

...Will this ever end? I cannot see how...

...I should have let them play the video games. I should have let them watch the videos. I should have moved to Guatemala before turning them loose...

...They're slowing down again.

...Could it be? It seems impossible...

...They might be...

...They might actually be...

...They might actually be settling down...

...I believe it is true. The storm has passed. The house still stands. And I...

...I yet live.

I swear, these boys are going to be the death of me. It's inevitable. When that day comes, let my tombstone read: "He brought it on himself, really."

4 comments:

  1. Eventually they will become teenagers and will spend weeks locked in their bedrooms (when they're not in school) listening to angsty music and/ or dubstep as they nap... and nap... and nap...

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  2. All things considered, it sounds like they might be the death of the cat first. Although, considering he's apparently a furry alarm clock, that might not be all bad. Is his name actually Captain Meowy Pants, or is that a convenient pseudonym for the blog, given the alarm clock tendencies? It sounds like the sort of name a small child might bestow on a pet. Secondborn's fault perhaps?

    As for lampshade parkour, I'm pretty sure furniture parkour is a traditional feline sport. Lampshade parkour sounds like a natural extension.

    The hominin servant of a furry poltergeist.

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  3. Captain Meowy-Pants Stupid-Alarm-Clock is properly named Astrophe; all the rest are merely... well-earned titles, bestowed by his subjects.

    Oddly enough, the cat was not the one involved in furniture/lampshade parkour. That was pretty much the boys. They don't intend to be destructive, of course; they just don't understand why everything in the world wasn't engineered for them to climb on or slam into. The idea that things might simply break under their weight, especially as they get older, is deeply weird to them.

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  4. Fortunately, Astrophe is a ridiculously patient cat.

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